A now-famous 2019 study by DDI revealed that 57% of employees who have quit their jobs left because of their boss, not because of the job itself. Meanwhile, 37% of employees have considered leaving because they can’t stand their manager. So if you are dealing with a less-than-ideal supervisor, at least you know you aren’t alone.
Manager-employee relationships can go sour in different ways. Some managers are too reluctant to step back from the nitty-gritty details of daily tasks and end up micromanaging their team members. Others give too little direction or offer inconsistent guidance, leaving employees uncertain about how best to meet expectations and succeed. Still, others seem to play favorites, singling out specific employees for high-profile tasks, invitations to exclusive meetings and retreats, and the most desired projects.
Meanwhile, other employees—who may not be as adept at networking with upper management but who consistently produce high-quality work, put in late hours when needed, and demonstrate passion and commitment to the organization—end up feeling overlooked and unrecognized. Maybe the boss’s favorite gets invited out to dinner with star clients, but the hard worker and consistent achiever only receive a thank-you email.
If this is you—if you’re the hard worker in the story—what can you do?
Step 1: Make Sure You’re Not Misreading Motives
Favoritism is a real thing in the workplace, unfortunately, with 84% of senior executives admitting that promotions often take into account personal preferences, trust, and rapport rather than just merit and ability. At the same time, however, it is easy to misread workplace dynamics and attribute motives to a boss that may not be accurate. Some hard, honest personal reflection may be a crucial first step to ensure that your reactions are undiluted by personal bias.
Is there anything that may be holding you back from earning similar recognition? Are there ways that those receiving recognition have performed above and beyond expectations, making their recognition fully merited? Are there ways in which you aren’t as visible as they are in the workplace, and could you take steps proactively to heighten your own visibility and presence?
Step 2: Time For a Talk
If the situation still feels unfair and you are certain that you are being overlooked or passed over for opportunities that you’ve earned, it may be time for a cordial but professional conversation with your manager, who may not realize that you feel this way. The important thing is to keep the discussion professional and solution-oriented rather than about personal grievances.
Ask what you can do or change to be considered for the kind of opportunities that you want (and ask for those opportunities!). Ask your manager what exceptional performance looks like in their eyes. And ask them where you need to improve in order to move ahead.
In other words, the purpose of the meeting isn’t to accuse your boss of playing favorites. It’s to engage your boss in an earnest conversation about how you can grow within the organization.
Step 3: Make Yourself Visible
Unfortunately, hard workers often remain unseen, while workers who are better at self-promotion move ahead. Make sure you actively participate in meetings (yes, even the ones that could have been emails), share your accomplishments in conversation with your supervisor, and take note of how those employees who receive recognition choose to communicate with the manager. When supervisors play favorites, it is usually because certain employees have earned their trust or built rapport. Observe how that is done within your workplace’s culture.
When To Take Other Steps
That said, not all managers are good managers, and not all executives are as focused on their teams as they are on their clients. If you aren’t making progress, you could consider a casual conversation with human resources—not as a complaint, but as an opportunity to share your concerns and seek their input (and possibly, their help).
If you continue to feel undervalued at work and don’t believe that hard work is being recognized, you may face a difficult choice. It might be time to move on and find a different position with a different manager—one who acknowledges dedication and values team members who put in the effort and deliver results.
